Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12
URBANNA — Just as life was settling down in Middlesex County and the days were humming along pretty well, Mother and Father moved from their home in Ohio to this area.
They moved into sister Georgia’s summer home on the river in Kilmer’s Point and were cozy enough except for the fact they were each suffering the usual health issues of octogenarians approaching age 90. I am beginning to suffer the same problems, so I am sympathetic to what they went through as it is never easy to uproot from your home and move somewhere else.
Mother was never happy about leaving Ohio, although I tried everything I could think of to meet her needs. She did not last long in Virginia and died on the first day of spring 1999.
Father was depressed at the loss of his 63-year bride. Spending time with me and his other daughters and grandchildren in the area did not seem to help with his loneliness. I understood that too. Losing a mate after a long-term marriage must be one of the worst experiences in life. Other than losing a child. (Losing a dog is terrible too.) Death may be a part of life, but it is sad and a terrible jolt to those left behind.
I finally decided to fix Father up for a “blind date luncheon.” A companion for him to meet occasionally for a meal would be the perfect solution.
I chose a lovely Southern lady about his age who was a retired Middlesex County teacher because she was a historian, Republican and writer, just as Father was. I thought they would enjoy each other’s company.
I talked the two into meeting at noon at the once Blue Crab Restaurant in Gloucester one day for lunch. They were both hesitant, but I assured each of them that they were a “perfect match” and would find each other’s company pleasant as they had much in common.
Father told me he arrived first at the restaurant and sat facing the window overlooking the parking lot so he could see who was coming to join him for lunch. At age 88 he was nervous. He was afraid his “Mays” might have set him up for a horrifying experience.
He watched the cars arriving. Soon “an old lady” (as the 88-year-old man described it!), pulled in and hobbled into the restaurant with a walker. His heart sank. He told me he couldn’t wait to tell me what he thought of my “perfect match.”
But the lady joined a friend so Father returned to his nervous watch. Soon a gorgeous, slender, blonde arrived dressed to the hilt, spotted Father, and went right to him. Father was a handsome gentleman and the lovely lady was stunning. Father rose to greet her telling her she was “a beautiful Southern lady.” (What a line!) It was love at first sight.
“I did not mean for you to fall in love with her!” I complained to Father several weeks later after the two had spent every day lunching together. “She was just someone for you to enjoy having lunch with. Love is out of the question!”
“Too late, Mays,” Father said. I was speechless.
“But what about Mother?” I felt a certain streak of rage sweeping through my body. “You can’t love another woman!”
“She’s dead,” answered Father. In 25 years, I still have not recovered from that shocking comment. I decided that was a man for you! A woman is only as good as the casserole she makes for him for lunch that day. After she’s dead and buried, it’s a whole new ball game.
Worse, after Chip and I returned from a three-week cruise around South America no sooner had I opened the door to my home on Kent Street, indeed I still had a suitcase in my hand, the phone was ringing. I picked it up. “We’re engaged!” Father said, (he was a man of few words). I gasped. This was the last straw!
I raged for weeks. My girlfriends had to listen to me ranting and raving about my father’s disloyalty to my mother.
What about me? How was I to feel that he was betraying Mother? Wasn’t it my duty to protect her from an outrage of a second marriage?
And a “Southern belle” to boot! Oozing with charm! When I had no charm! Not a drop of charm! It was bad enough when I came to Virginia and had to deal with Southern belles all these years and then my very own father comes down to Virginia from Ohio and melts like a bar of chocolate in the sun. What? What? It was an outrage!
But Father was happy. So happy, he glowed. So was his lady friend. Anyone could see that the two had been given the blessing of new love at the end of their lives. How could I be so selfish as to put my needs over my father’s? How could I deny him one final happiness?
The pain I felt that every daughter feels when a mother passes away and a father falls in love again with another woman taught me a lesson. His new love was not about me. It was about Father. Thankfully in time my anger eased and I gave thanks for the new love in my father’s life.
They never married, it became too complicated for such a late union, but they lived happily together until June 2021, when Father passed away.
Father’s last words to me were a plea to arrange his leave from the hospital to go back home.” I just want one last summer with my girl,” he said before passing away. He passed away that night.
Per his wishes, half of his ashes are buried in her plot at Christ Church. The other half went to Mother in Ohio.
The lovely Southern lady lived on for many more years and we became the best of friends.
Like Jane Austen’s characters in all her novels, I have learned many lessons in Middlesex County these last 40 years. This was the most poignant of all.
(To be continued.)
© 2024.
