URBANNA — I was touched last week by the letter of the young girl at St. Clare Walker Middle School who felt rejected because of her “brown skin.” It triggered the grandmother in me along with memories of my childhood growing up in Vermilion, Ohio, many years ago.
She mentioned the racial divide. Yet there are many causes of division among people and most of us are caught in the grips of some of them during our lives. I was caught in such a trap myself as a young person and although not racial, it was the divide between labor and management which is just as bitter, especially during labor disputes and strikes.
I also ruminated as a young girl wondering why I had to bear the grief of such division simply because I had been born in a family that owned a business that employed many of the people in the area. And yes, some people took their resentments out on an innocent young child simply because of her last name.
Think of all the other divides between peoples of the world! None are fair or right or good but it is the reality of life. It seems to me our only way to solve such a problem in society (besides creating a government that forces everyone to be “equal” and rules every detail with an iron hand as is done in communist regimes) is to not worry about negative behavior from others but charge on with our own plans for success in life regardless of naysayers.
We all experience rejection for unfair reasons and not just once but over and over again and all throughout our lives. The need to reject seems to be an odd part of human nature … to reject others who are different in any way, maybe to feel better about ourselves and our own inadequacies? Perhaps we are dealing with some biological component in our genes that have to do with survival, maybe an innate fear of anyone that is different from us in any way? Who knows?
Reflecting on my childhood, truth is those that used an innocent child to vent resentment against management made me a very strong young woman. Just as you will be if you use any rejection you encounter as a source of inner strength.
I thought I would escape this problem by going to college far away from home. I ended up in a woman’s college in Virginia. I discovered in 1959 southerners didn’t especially like people from Ohio. So I now felt rejected not by my name but because of where I came from!
I finally decided if I let other people’s behavior worry me, I would never become a success so I would be who I was, nothing more and follow my own dreams of becoming a writer, regardless of others.
That’s when a woman becomes powerful. And so shall you be powerful for the individual is much more powerful than the group. And the sooner you reach that peak in your thinking, the freer you will be to become whatever you dream of becoming.
I worked to improve opportunities for women. My two objectives were to open all-male Virginia Military Institute (VMI) and Rotary Clubs to women (which introduced me to what I called “hard core rejection!”) It only made me stronger.
Rotary and VMI soon opened its doors to qualified women and this end made my small efforts worth everything. Years later I was invited to charter a Rotary Club in Middlesex County and it was one of the richest experiences in my life. Thus, out of initial rejection can come great rewards.
It’s good that you see a defect in our society and you have spoken up. But don’t let this situation, what I call a basic flaw in human nature, sour you, dampen your spirit or hurt your drive for success in life. I have been sad to see rejection turn people angry, resentful, bitter, discouraged and such inner forces could end up defeating you.
Shakespeare said it best: Others don’t take us down, we take ourselves down. His exact quote reads, “It’s not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.” Or as Pogo said … “We have met the enemy and they are us.”
Seek all the education you can get and look on any rejection you experience in life as the great motivator that it is. And ride that fuel right to the top!
Also seek to be a kind person that loves your neighbor and be forgiving of those that hurt you along the way. Truly, “They know not what they do.”
I would like to hear from you. Please write to me about this situation in your life specifically stating what your plan is to overcome the problems that you are experiencing. Send it to me in care of the Sentinel. I overcame my experiences with rejection and fulfilled my dreams. I believe that you will too.
Lastly, remember the words of Admiral Farragut who carried on in sea battle with the kind of spirit I wish for you: “Damn those torpedoes, full speed ahead!”
© 2023
