by Mary Wakefield Buxton –
Urbanna, Va.— Are you tired of hearing people call others “racist”? I am. The word is insulting and so overused it is as meaningless as the boy calling “wolf.”
We are going to have to learn how to participate in public discourse without insulting others. No good comes from it.
What we really should address is rejection. Certainly no one should be rejected because of the color of skin, but everyone experiences rejection in life. I’ve been rejected so many times in life, I can’t keep count.
I poke fun at reasons people have rejected me. Some of the reasons are humorous, for example, I experienced rejection simply because some people didn’t like my weekly opinion. How silly is that?
When I started writing for the Sentinel in 1984, I knew when people didn’t like my opinion because they would turn their back on me when I went into the Urbanna Post Office. I always laughed and said, “Read next week’s column; you might like that opinion better!” (This doesn’t happen any more.)
Then, I was excluded from a garden club in 1968 because I was “from Ohio” and they didn’t have anyone from Ohio in their club. Now, how silly was that? I’m sure the garden clubs today accept ladies from Ohio, but in 1968 that was apparently still unacceptable. It’s laughable now.
Then, gender. At one time women in my generation were denied many opportunities. We could vote and own property, which is more than my great-grandmother could do (and many women even today can do in many parts of the world), but when it came to choosing a career when I was a teenager, most women who wanted to work outside the home back in the 50s were relegated to nursing, teaching or selling real estate.
But, times have changed. Today professional schools are bursting with women and there are female generals, admirals, CEOs, engineers, doctors, lawyers, judges . . . you name it, women are there.
Talk about rejection. In the 80s when a male sponsor put my name up for membership in the once all-male Rotary Club, the man was fired from his job. I was told his termination was unrelated to my Rotary sponsorship but . . . who knows? Times have changed. Today Rotary has over 200,000 wonderful women members.
I never cast insults at men who once discriminated against women as some feminists did. I understood using the term “male sexist pigs” was not a good idea because the only ones who could open the doors to women were men. They did exactly this when they became aware of their own daughters’ desires to break gender barriers.
Before one can achieve change in society, there has to be a burning desire and willingness to work hard for it. A woman had to want to become an admiral in the U.S. Navy before she could break ranks. When the girls said “Here we come!” the doors opened. Insults tossed along the way never helped.
Ageism, too can be a rejection factor; however, no one today denies me anything because I’m a “senior.” Perhaps in the past this was so but not now. Any talent at any age and willingness to work is welcomed.
Age may not be a factor today but energy is. When I was in my 40s and became director of a business college with headquarters in California, energy really counted. I had to fly back and forth to Long Beach. On the first trip I met other directors in their 20s and I soon learned the difference in time zones and amount of energy between 40 and 20 year olds. After just one “red eye flight” home, I resigned. Business demands energy, not youth, a factor in holding any job.
Speaking of rejection, you should have been a Republican like I was when I first came to Virginia in 1959 to Randolph-Macon Woman’s College. One would have thought I was a rattlesnake from the way I was treated by Democrats at that time in a then “one-party South.” Now we have two parties (not that I am any happier with either party today).
Comically, I have even witnessed “prejudice” according to the color of one’s eyes. Those who prefer blue eyes over brown are in the population.
I first met a “blue-eyed elitist” in college. “My people have had blue eyes for untold generations,” she said looking at my two woeful buckeyes staring back at her. She explained that no one in her family would ever marry a brown-eyed person because it would “ruin their pure blue eyed genes.” So be it.
American society stands for freedom of choice and diversity. We must learn tolerance of our differences and never insult others no matter how frustrated we may feel.
Nothing is ever accomplished by insulting others. Here’s a better approach. When you see someone in any way “different” from you, SMILE! Amazing what a smile can do! ©2019
